Hear their pause.
I had to schedule two different images. I had told my insurance coordinator that if I could get them done at the same time that would be incredibly convenient.
My coordinator called up Simon Med and was speaking to Carlos the scheduler and we were all together on a 3-way call to make it easier to get through the scheduling process. Carlos was trying really hard to schedule the imaging back to back and he said he could get them together but it would be a few weeks out.
I felt myself pause and my first thought was that it seems so far away and then I thought that realistically, since I had been dealing with the pain for a while now a couple more weeks won't really hurt. I said ok that's fine.
My coordinator was quiet in the background up until this point and at this moment my coordinator, my health superhero, asked this simple question. She asked, “Tara, I heard you pause. Is this date really ok for you since you are trying to figure out the source of pain? I know how pain can be.
I smiled. She was like a little angel sitting on my shoulder rooting for me to stand and advocate for myself.
I told them yes please split up the appointments if it means to get in quicker. Carlos was extremely helpful and found me two separate appointments that were sooner than that and he disconnected from the line.
I stayed on the phone with Theresa, my coordinator and I told her “Thank you for hearing my pause.” She said “Hunny, you are not getting an MRI because you feel good. You need to speak up for yourself. You are pliable. Being nice and being pliable do not go together all the time and you need to ask for what you need."
I asked her if she believed in fate? She replied yes. I said I know that I was supposed to meet you today and you were supposed to remind me of this lesson. Thank you."
If you listen close enough you will hear it, you will hear that pause from another woman. It's that classic pause of self-doubt, of not wanting to bother people, of not wanting to be a burden, of not wanting to take up space, of wanting to be “nice” to everyone except themselves. Listen close. Hear their pause.
Believe what you want to but I believe that every time a woman reminds another woman to advocate for herself then an angel gets its wings.