Tara's Love Notes

 A former people pleaser and mind reader that assumed everything was about her in a bad way due to underlying insecurities until she used the very same heart-shaped glasses she promoted to others to stare at her own reflection long and hard in the mirror. 

Trigger warnings: Weight and body shaming, some swearing because I wrote this right after it happened and I kept it real. Made an appt for an MRI today (I'm fine just establishing baselines) and asked the rep for the open MRI. She said they do not have open bore MRIs. She asked me height and weight and I told her. She made the appointment...

I wanted to shine a light on a conversation I had recently with a customer service person the other day who told me that 90% of her calls are people yelling at her for something that is out of her control. 90 PERCENT. In all my preaching of self-love, there is an area that I struggle with and have my whole entire life and...

I asked him, "can I brag about you to somebody about you? Like a boss or anyone?" He said anyone in a blue shirt is management. I said like that guy? and pointed to a blue-shirted sprouts worker walking by. He said yes and then he called over Joe.

I didn't recognize myself first and validate myself first. I still thought it was selfish, I was still trying to find ways to please everyone else. If I could make them happy then I will feel satisfied.  If I get more styles of heart shaped glasses, If I make more posters, if I create more excitement, more impact, more, more, more. It's not enough, it's never...

I had diminished myself. I disappeared myself. It’s as if I was living behind the scenes of my own life.

When I first understood I had issues with boundaries it was at the chiropractic office. I had a massage the day before and I could barely get off the table. I had never had such back pain in my life. I got into a chiropractor close to me the next day and I barely made it inside the office.He did whatever he does and...

I was telling my dad last week about an experiment I did at the mall one day. I had just read that people who say sorry a lot and just get out of the way quick can be oftentimes disappearing themselves. They think they are being kind but really they are oftentimes saying to everyone else, you are more important than I am. Let...

If you listen close enough you will hear it, you will hear that pause from another woman. It's that classic pause of self-doubt, of not wanting to bother people, of not wanting to be a burden, of not wanting to take up space, of wanting to be “nice” to everyone except themselves. Listen close. Hear their pause.

She smiled this beautiful motherly smile and she gave me so much grace and said” We all have bad days hunny.”

I'm over like thinking...Uhm what did my chalk pens or I ever do to YOU? Anyway, she kept scanning and kind of chucking things into the bag and I was really getting mad. I mean do you have a problem with me? Do you have something you want to say? Do I need to get loud? Do I need to get a manager involved?...

"Quietly, softly and humbly, the words just tumbled out from my heart as I placed my items on the conveyor belt, and looked directly at her. "I couldn't help but notice that you opened your register and then you looked at me and it seemed that I was next but you then looked away and chose someone else and I just wondered why did...

You know what I realized much later though? This was never about her. As much as I wanted to blame her for her manipulative ways, this was always about me allowing someone to guilt me into doing something that I’m not sure that I wanted to do.