[Lowers Love Glasses and makes small talk with a cashier that I see often at the grocery store.] She asks me about how I've been and so I tell her about my husband's family moving here and in with us from France. Here is how our conversation progresses.

Cashier: Do they speak any English?

Me: Not a lick but the ESL teacher says the kids will pick up fast at their age and they are picking up words every day.

Cashier: OMG I would hate that! They probably talk about you!

Me: Oh, I'm sure they do.

Cashier: That doesn't bother you?

Me: Only if I assume it's bad! [strategically placed wink, raises love glasses]

Cashier: [Gives a thoughtful shrug and head nod approval.]

Narrator: [in the voice of Morgan Freeman (of course)]: What the cashier didn't know is that Tara Ijai had been training for this moment her whole life. A former people pleaser and mind reader that assumed everything was about her in a bad way due to underlying insecurities until she used the very same heart-shaped glasses she promoted to others to stare at her own reflection long and hard in the mirror. Tara Ijai has made peace with her brand of ridiculousness and now authors stories in a silly third-person narration like this one because she can.